True forgiveness is a tender subject and different for each of us. We’re all on a personal journey with real lessons to learn but in the end, we all have to learn some form of true forgiveness.
Oooohhhh – I can see you seething at this prospect. Alright, so maybe you’re not seething at the prospect of forgiving the perp that done you wrong, however, this is something I’ve wrestled with for a VERY long time.
I’m not talking about some phony holier-than-thou version of forgiveness.
I’m talking about the down and dirty, dig deep, gut-wrenching work of actually releasing the heavy baggage that comes from enduring traumatic events such as abuse and betrayal.
There’s so much hatred in the world these days and in the past, I’ve been awestruck at how people who had the ultimate taken from them could find it in themselves to publicly forgive.
I’d like to share something deeply personal and humbling with you.
I was in a relationship for 3 years that tore my soul wide open. It took me a while to realize that he was a narcissistic bully who was gaslighting me to the point where I thought I was losing my mind.
Struggling to Forgive
Gaslighting is a hallmark of narcissism. It’s only after you are free from the situation that you can see what really happened.
He was cruel and downright evil in his attempt to completely tear me to shreds all while smiling sweetly. He had to win at all costs.
I’m not exaggerating here – I’m stating blatant facts. And when he couldn’t control me any longer, he did his best to control what other people thought of me. He purposely stayed in touch with some of my friends to keep tabs on me and to fill their head full of lies.
There’s a lot to forgive here and for many months I simply said “I forgive you, now go away” thinking that’s what I was really doing. I wasn’t.
For most of my life, I believed that forgiving someone simply meant that they missed you with the bullet the first time and you put another target on your back for them to try again.
Steeped in a religious upbringing that demanded forgiveness on a most superficial level, I couldn’t get past letting someone off the hook – feel free to do it again because forgiving you means it’s okay for you to treat me like shit.
Yes and no.
Enter Danielle LaPorte and White Hot Truth. The White Hot Truth of the matter is that true forgiveness takes work on your part. It takes courage to send someone blessings when they betrayed you in such a way that you may never trust again. Forgiveness after betrayal isn’t easy, but it’s possible.
D tells it like it is and sometimes, it’s just ugly. And. Painful. And. Gritty.
For awhile – maybe a couple of years – I had to unsubscribe from her blogs. It was too painful, too real, too difficult to look at the deep level of pain I experienced. S-o-o-o-o, I’ve resubscribed as her new book White Hot Truth was recently released and as always, when the student is ready, the teacher appears.
She speaks from experience in an authentic voice which in turn speaks to me at the deepest level. If you click on the link in this paragraph, you can download a chapter from her book and – wait for it – it’s the chapter on forgiveness. Sigh.
It is possible to forgive, cut the cord and NEVER let that person back into your life again. Ever.
Forgiveness is Possible
I thought I had worked through the worst of all the darkness and then I read this article that Danielle wrote on forgiveness after divorce. She pulls no punches about the gritty path to forgiveness. Organized religion tends to turn forgiveness into martyrdom and that’s not real.
This is real:
I sat in meditation, and over the course of many months, I streamed Light and Love to his Higher Self. I pictured him standing directly in front of me and I gazed at him with total kindness. If that felt too close for comfort on that day, then I’d just imagine him as a Light form of pure energy. I allowed his Soul to come near to mine again. I let myself adore who he truly is. And I thanked him, over and over again, for participating in our agreement to play out what we did in this lifetime. I took it a step further and extended the same gratitude to all of the people in his life. I prayed for their well-being. I cherished his very Soul. Completely.
By honouring my humanity, I got fuller access to my divine power. On Earth, in the day-to-day, my boundaries stayed very much intact. And I moved forward much more freely, navigating with a lighter heart.
Do I still struggle with forgiveness? Absolutely. Yes. But I no longer view the subject as installing a target on my back for you to take aim at, but as a way to make peace with my past, my less-than-stellar decisions and my lessons to learn.
Part of forgiving others is the true act of forgiving yourself as well. Lesson learned.
It’s a gritty path to grace and if you see yourself today in these words, please allow my aromatherapy skills to ease the process with an amazing blend for forgiveness:
1 ounce glass bottle with treatment pump
Combine oils and shake gently. Apply to heart, inner wrists before meditating or praying. Use as often as needed. If you don’t have these oils, I will create it for you. The cost is $24.99 plus $5.95 shipping for a 2 ounce bottle. Simply send an email to me requesting this blend and I’ll take it from there.
I am what you might call a wounded warrior. I’ve been to hell and back and I’m still standing. Using the amazing tools of holistic life coaching and aromatherapy, I want you to know from deep in my heart that there are brighter days ahead – without pain, anger and bitterness. It is indeed the sweet taste of forgiveness.
Please let me know how I can help you. You can call, email or go to my contact page. Let’s get started today – call now.
These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Any product mentioned is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease. Always seek the advice of a qualified medical professional for any health issue.