https://scentedbalance.com/aromatherapy » May 2017

Month: May 2017

True Forgiveness

True Forgiveness, White Hot Truth by Danielle LaPorte, gaslighting, how to forgive someone, narcissistTrue forgiveness is a tender subject and different for each of us. We’re all on a personal journey with real lessons to learn but in the end, we all have to learn some form of true forgiveness.

Oooohhhh – I can see you seething at this prospect. Alright, so maybe you’re not seething at the prospect of forgiving the perp that done you wrong, however, this is something I’ve wrestled with for a VERY long time.

I’m not talking about some phony holier-than-thou version of forgiveness.

I’m talking about the down and dirty, dig deep, gut-wrenching work of actually releasing the heavy baggage that comes from enduring traumatic events such as abuse and betrayal.

There’s so much hatred in the world these days and in the past, I’ve been awestruck at how people who had the ultimate taken from them could find it in themselves to publicly forgive.

I’d like to share something deeply personal and humbling with you.

I was in a relationship for 3 years that tore my soul wide open. It took me a while to realize that he was a narcissistic bully who was gaslighting me to the point where I thought I was losing my mind.

Struggling to Forgive

Gaslighting is a hallmark of narcissism. It’s only after you are free from the situation that you can see what really happened.

He was cruel and downright evil in his attempt to completely tear me to shreds all while smiling sweetly. He had to win at all costs.

I’m not exaggerating here – I’m stating blatant facts. And when he couldn’t control me any longer, he did his best to control what other people thought of me. He purposely stayed in touch with some of my friends to keep tabs on me and to fill their head full of lies.

There’s a lot to forgive here and for many months I simply said “I forgive you, now go away” thinking that’s what I was really doing. I wasn’t.

For most of my life, I believed that forgiving someone simply meant that they missed you with the bullet the first time and you put another target on your back for them to try again.

Steeped in a religious upbringing that demanded forgiveness on a most superficial level, I couldn’t get past letting someone off the hook – feel free to do it again because forgiving you means it’s okay for you to treat me like shit.

Yes and no.

Enter Danielle LaPorte and White Hot Truth. The White Hot Truth of the matter is that true forgiveness takes work on your part. It takes courage to send someone blessings when they betrayed you in such a way that you may never trust again. Forgiveness after betrayal isn’t easy, but it’s possible.

D tells it like it is and sometimes, it’s just ugly. And. Painful. And. Gritty.

For awhile – maybe a couple of years – I had to unsubscribe from her blogs. It was too painful, too real, too difficult to look at the deep level of pain I experienced. S-o-o-o-o, I’ve resubscribed as her new book White Hot Truth was recently released and as always, when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

She speaks from experience in an authentic voice which in turn speaks to me at the deepest level. If you click on the link in this paragraph, you can download a chapter from her book and – wait for it – it’s the chapter on forgiveness. Sigh. Forgiveness, struggling to forgive

It is possible to forgive, cut the cord and NEVER let that person back into your life again. Ever. 

Forgiveness is Possible

I thought I had worked through the worst of all the darkness and then I read this article that Danielle wrote on forgiveness after divorce. She pulls no punches about the gritty path to forgiveness. Organized religion tends to turn forgiveness into martyrdom and that’s not real.

This is real:

I sat in meditation, and over the course of many months, I streamed Light and Love to his Higher Self. I pictured him standing directly in front of me and I gazed at him with total kindness. If that felt too close for comfort on that day, then I’d just imagine him as a Light form of pure energy. I allowed his Soul to come near to mine again. I let myself adore who he truly is. And I thanked him, over and over again, for participating in our agreement to play out what we did in this lifetime. I took it a step further and extended the same gratitude to all of the people in his life. I prayed for their well-being. I cherished his very Soul. Completely.

By honouring my humanity, I got fuller access to my divine power. On Earth, in the day-to-day, my boundaries stayed very much intact. And I moved forward much more freely, navigating with a lighter heart.

Do I still struggle with forgiveness? Absolutely. Yes. But I no longer view the subject as installing a target on my back for you to take aim at, but as a way to make peace with my past, my less-than-stellar decisions and my lessons to learn.

Part of forgiving others is the true act of forgiving yourself as well. Lesson learned.

It’s a gritty path to grace and if you see yourself today in these words, please allow my aromatherapy skills to ease the process with an amazing blend for forgiveness:

Forgiveness Cream

   1 ounce glass bottle with treatment pump

Combine oils and shake gently. Apply to heart, inner wrists before meditating or praying. Use as often as needed. If you don’t have these oils, I will create it for you. The cost is $24.99 plus $5.95 shipping for a 2 ounce bottle. Simply send an email to me requesting this blend and I’ll take it from there.

I am what you might call a wounded warrior. I’ve been to hell and back and I’m still standing. Using the amazing tools of holistic life coaching and aromatherapy, I want you to know from deep in my heart that there are brighter days ahead – without pain, anger and bitterness. It is indeed the sweet taste of forgiveness.

Please let me know how I can help you. You can call, email or go to my contact page. Let’s get started today – call now.

Many blessings,

Melissa

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Any product mentioned is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease. Always seek the advice of a qualified medical professional for any health issue.

Why It’s Important to Breathe Deeply

Breathe Deeply, breathe deeply, breathing exercises, belly breathing, parasympathetic nervous systemDo you know why it’s so important to breathe deeply? I wrote a blog post on anxiety and panic attacks I talked about anxiety and how deep breathing makes such a difference during a panic attack.

I’d like to expand on this a bit today – as much for me as for you. You see, I tend to breathe very shallow. In the short term, this isn’t a big deal but in the long run, it’s a HUGE deal.

In laymen’s terms, shallow breathing causes less oxygen to get into your cells and soon enough (rather than later), you begin to feel sluggish, cranky, emotional or anxious and you don’t know why.

As a matter of fact, my mother endured a battery of tests back in the late 1990’s because she was exhausted and couldn’t figure out why. The lab ran tests on nearly every system in her body. All the tests came back showing her to be healthy as a horse.

The doctor went over all the information and pinned down shallow breathing as the diagnosis. She gave my mother a series of deep breathing exercises to do several times each day and after a few weeks, mom started to feel her energy coming back.

While you’re reading this, breathe deeply. :)

Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous System

www.PsychCentral.com offers a really good explanation of why deep breathing is so very important to your health:

The practice of deep breathing stimulates our parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), responsible for activities that occur when our body is at rest. It functions in an opposite manner to the sympathetic nervous system, which stimulates activities associated with the fight-or-flight response.

When your sympathetic nervous system is stimulated, you are in fight or flight mode. Many of your normal bodily functions are put “on hold” so that you can concentrate on actually fighting or fleeing in an emergency. During this process, your breathing becomes very shallow to allow your system to properly respond for you survival.

You want your parasympathetic nervous system to take over in normal everyday situations. After you go through a fight or flight episode, it takes your body about 30 minutes to flip the switch back over to the parasympathetic function.

Practicing Deep Breathing Exercises

Okay, I’m not a doctor and I don’t have a doctor pose – so the above explanation is very generalized but believe me when I tell you that deep breathing is as important to your health as exercise and a healthy diet. If you lead a stressful life, have asthma or are burning the candle at both ends, you should practice some deep breathing exercises and some self care

In the book The Healing Power of Breath by Richard P. Brown, M.D. and Patricia L. Gerbarg, M.D., the authors explain why deep breathing is so important:

By voluntarily changing the rate, depth, and pattern of breathing, we can change the messages being sent from the body’s respiratory system to the brain. In this way, breathing techniques provide a portal to the autonomic communication network through which we can, by changing our breathing patterns, send specific messages to the brain using the language of the body, a language the brain understands and to which it responds. Messages from the respiratory system have rapid, powerful effects on major brain centers involved in thought, emotion, and behavior.

One of the recommendations I make to clients as an aromatherapist is to breathe deeply. When you breathe deeply on a regular basis, you are giving yourself a drug-free solution to common stress and mood problems with no side effects whatsoever. You can use these breathing techniques for anxiety and stress reduction. Practice Deep Breathing

One way to breathe deeply is to pretend to smell a bouquet of beautiful flowers; press your lips together and V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y take in long, deep breaths through your nostrils. Then, just as slowly, breathe out through your mouth. I call this method smell the flowers/blow out the candle.

While you’re practicing your deep breathing or if your head or chest are stuffy due to colds or allergies, here’s a wonderful blend to help you:

Deep Breathing Blend

  • 3 drops Lemon (Citrus limon)
  • 2 drops Peppermint (Mentha piperita)
  • 1 drop Eucalyptus (Eucalyptus globulus)
  • 1 drop Rosemary (Rosmarinus officinalis)

Combine all the drops in add to a cold mist diffuser to help you take deep, healing breaths.

Aromatherapy helps you feel better without using toxic pills for anxiety – especially if you really don’t need them.

Please let me show you how you can easily take charge of your overall well-being. Call or email or fill out this contact form today.

Blessings!

Melissa

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Any product mentioned is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease. Always seek the advice of a qualified medical professional for any health issue.

A Day For Mothering and Self Care

Self Care, building self esteem, mental health, stress relief, how to get balance in my lifeWhile every day should be a day for mothering and self care, for many of us, it’s not. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you who are moms of two-legged babies, four-legged fur babies or fine feathered babies!

It’s wonderful to set aside a day to honor mothers everywhere. Our job has always been tough with long days, longer nights, juggling schedules, managing work with housework (or for you lucky SAHM’s – just keeping up with everything!), yard work – in other words – moms keep the world in balance.

Balance. It’s a nice word, isn’t it? A huge part of self care is balance in your life. A balance between work and play; not too many highs, not too many lows – an even keel is a good way to describe it.

Personally, it took me a long time to learn how to get balance in my life.

I am honored to serve so many of you (both men and women) who talk to me about balance in your life via phone, email and markets. It’s a huge honor for me to handcraft aromatherapy products that help you create balance in your daily life. Combining aromatherapy with holistic life coaching to help you find balance allows me to serve you in ways I never dreamed possible.

Mothering Yourself

Self care for caregivers to adults and children is even more important as you cannot pour from an empty cup. If you’re burning the candle at both ends and not caring for you first, how can you expect to be fully present for those that love and depend on you?

I know your candle is susceptible to burning out. When time to relax is scarce, here are self care strategies to help yourself stay in balance in just a moment or two:

  • Take a deep belly breath – when you smell a beautiful flower, what do you do? You close your lips and deeply breathe in the scent of the flower. You can do this any time you need to stay calm and find balance. Take five deep, slow belly breaths and then breathe out just as slowly each time. This is wonderful for stress relief.
  • Take five minutes each day to write down ten things you are grateful for. Big things, little things, important things, unimportant things. It all matters in helping you maintain balance and perspective. I looked back at some of the entries in my own gratitude journal and one of the things was the ink pen I was writing with that flowed so smoothly on the page of my journal.
  • Once you climb into bed for the night, rub a couple of drops of Lavender on the bottom of your feet. Maybe your partner would be willing to do this for you – even better! Lavender calms the central nervous system and encourages balance in all areas.
  • Snack on something that is healthy. I found organic applesauce in a pouch that is strong enough to keep in your handbag when you’re on the go. If you have a busy schedule, this is a simple way to keep from starving and bottoming out especially in the late afternoon.
  • Show compassion to yourself. Be aware of the negative self talk you tell yourself. You would be gentle and compassionate with your best friend, so why not be the same way with you? Building self esteem is just as important for you as it is for your children.
  • A dab of beautiful perfume made from essential oils on your wrists (or a few drops in your diffuser necklace) to calm your senses is ideal for self care and balance. Here is a wonderful blend that is all plant-based, subtle and calming:

Calming Perfume

  • 12 drops  Neroli/Petitgrain Co-Distill
  • 6 drops    Sweet Orange
  • 2 drops    Ylang Ylang
  • .33 ounce Jojoba Wax
  • .33 ounce Glass Roller Bottle

Blend all ingredients into the roller ball and gently shake before using each time. Apply to inner wrist, over your heart and behind your ears for a beautiful calming perfume. Please use caution – this blend is phototoxic, so don’t put it on skin that will be exposed to the sun or UV rays. This also makes a great personal gift for any mom!

If you don’t have these oils, I make this blend in a rollerball for $16.99. I also have a diffuser blend created especially for this called Balance. It’s $24.97 for a .5 mL bottle and I have it for sale at markets, fairs and festivals. Simply send an email (balance (a) scentedbalance dot com) to me or fill out the contact form and I’ll take it from there.

How can I help you find your balance? I have simple and effective tools to help you learn self care, balance and see all your beautiful potential through holistic life coaching

Fill out this contact form and let’s talk today.

Blessings,

Melissa

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. My products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease. Always seek the advice of a qualified medical professional for any health issue.

Dealing With Negative Self Talk

Negative Self Talk, how to improve self esteem, building self confidence, positive thinkingdealing with negative self talk

If you’re anything like me, you’re constantly dealing with negative self talk. Sigh…It’s that little voice in your head that never allows you to be good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, brave enough…you get the picture.

Negative self talk is the worst form of abuse as it’s invisible and it leaves you feeling powerless, angry, frustrated, ashamed and any number of emotions that keep you on an uneven keel.

Many times, you don’t even realize the tirade that kicks in until it’s brought to your attention by friends or family:

“Why are you being so hard on yourself?”

“Why do you beat yourself up like that?”

“Can’t you just cut yourself some slack?”

“It’s no big deal – just let it go!”

Sound familiar? It does, doesn’t it? The smallest mis-step becomes your worst nightmare. You don’t think it’s that bad – I’m exaggerating – right? No. I’m not exaggerating. You overthink and over-analyze every single error, every single flaw, every single slight, every single thing that takes away from life being perfect.

It’s enough to drive the strongest lion in the den absolutely nuts. Oh – it does, too! You’re angry and frustrated, scared that somebody will find out you’re a fraud and plain old pissed off at life.

I’ve been where you are. My reasoning? You can’t beat me up any worse than I beat myself up – and if I beat me up first, you can’t hurt me.

Surprised?

By the way, that is the worst line of reasoning ever to come down the pike. It steels you against any happiness, saps your joy and keeps your guard up at all times. (You can’t hide from me – I’m the worst of the worst in this situation…)

So what helps here? What can I do to make a difference in your life?

First of all you have to admit that you do this. Secondly you have to want to change this behavior – I’m telling you right now that negative self talk does you no good. And yes, I can see you rolling your eyes at me in that tone of voice!

Aromatherapy and Holistic Life Coaching

Aromatherapy and life coaching are amazing and simple tools for you to take charge of your well-being. Holistic life coaching gives insight and clarity to the negative self talk and essential oils have properties that support that awareness and change as well as taking charge of your well-being.

I have been training as a holistic life coach since October 2016 and will finish my program this month. This coaching program has given me a fresh perspective to the reasons behind my negative self talk.

I started the coaching journey because I knew in my heart I had wisdom to help others who feel stuck and unsure of their next step. What I didn’t know is how much this coaching program would help me change my life for the better.

What does coaching do for you? The International Coaching Federation (ICF) has an excellent explanation of how coaching can help you:

Professional coaching brings many wonderful benefits: fresh perspectives on personal challenges, enhanced decision-making skills, greater interpersonal effectiveness, and increased confidence. And, the list does not end there. Those who undertake coaching also can expect appreciable improvement in productivity, satisfaction with life and work, and the attainment of relevant goals.

Through the coaching sessions, I gained insight into why the negative self talk was so dominant in my life. I learned how to handle that voice when it reared its’ ugly head. I combined the coaching with aromatherapy to support the changes that I’ve made and to strengthen my resolve to be kind to me. Negative Self Talk

By themselves, each profession offers safe, effective tools to help you take charge of your well-being. Together, coaching and aromatherapy can help you find the confidence in yourself that you deserve. Both professions together show you how to improve self esteem and focus on building self confidence.

It’s not my place – or my job – to judge what you’re going through or how you’re dealing with life as you know it. It’s my job to honor you where you’re at in your life and offer sound tools to help you move out of your stuck place.

I’m so grateful for the journey I’m on and honored to serve you through holistic life coaching and aromatherapy. If you feel stuck in your life and unsure what to do next, I hope you’ll consider coaching with me. To start your process, I have created a special blend for the negative self talk:

Releasing Negative Self Talk

  • 6 drops     Copaiba (Copafera officinalis)
  • 5 drops     Laurel Leaf (Lauris nobilis)
  • 4 drops     Juniper Berry (Juniperis communis)
  • 4 drops     Sweet Marjoram (Orihanum majorana)
  • 3 drops     German Chamomile (Matricaria recutita)
  • 2 drops     Cajeput (Melaeuca lucadendron var cajeputi)
  • 2 drops     Black Pepper (Piper nigrum)
  • 2 drops     Bergamot (Citrus bergamia)
  • 2 drops     Helichrysum (Helichrysum italicum)
  • 2 ounces   Unscented Lotion
  • 2 ounce     Blue Glass Bottle with Treatment Pump

Combine all ingredients and shake well before each use. Apply a small amount directly over your heart 3 times daily.

If you don’t have these oils, this blend is available for $29.99 plus shipping of $3.95. You can use this short contact form and I’ll take it from there.

Where are you stuck? How can I help you today? Don’t wait – call today.

Blessings!

Melissa

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. My products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease. Always seek the advice of a qualified medical professional for any health issue.