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Be Kind and Gentle

Be Gentle With Yourself, kind and gentle, self love“Well, we have a whole new year ahead of us. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all be a little more gentle with each other, a little more loving, and have a little more empathy, and maybe, next year at this time we’d like each other a little more.”
― Judy Garland

A little more gentle with each other really makes sense right about now, doesn’t it? But that’s not what I mean.

What I mean is for each of us to be more gentle with ourselves.

It’s that time of year when we look back to see what we’ve accomplished and look forward to new goals and bigger dreams. And if you haven’t accomplished as much as you intended or what you really wanted to, then today, I’m talking to you.

In setting your New Year’s resolutions, include one to be kind and gentle with yourself.

On Being Kind and Gentle

Why would I say such a thing?

Because I know exactly what it’s like to reach the end of a year (and the end of your rope) and feel like nothing’s been accomplished. And it makes for a less-than-stellar new year celebration.

This year, let’s you and I do it differently, whaddya say?

I’ve talked about this before – the world is a cruel and mean place to be. And absorbing all that negativity can add to your feelings of inadequacy and frustration. I truly believe that we’re all connected and when we’re angry and frustrated (especially with ourselves), it sends ripples out into the world.

If you’ve been a member of the Scented Balance community for any length of time (thank you!), then you know I wear my heart on my sleeve and I share my heart in hopes that I can help you through my experiences. I haven’t always felt like I had someone to turn to and I don’t want you to feel like that – it’s a lonely place.

One of the areas I struggle with is being kind and gentle to myself. Some of the things I’ve said to myself in dark times would horrify Atilla the Hun. Seriously. That’s a bad habit that I still need to break and it’s only through perseverance and patience that I’ve been able to slowly change my self talk. Am I there yet? Nope. 

Being kind to yourself is more than just self-care. It sets the tone for how other people treat you – and how you teach them to treat you.

Setting Goals In The New Year

I’m a big fan of Danielle LaPorte and use her daily planner. One of the things I’ve learned from using her planner is to be kind to myself and to send love and light at every possible moment. For me, sending love and light is the only way I can truly forgive someone – especially myself.

Using this daily planner helps me to focus on what I’m willing to do to feel the way I want to feel deep inside. Happiness, peace and joy come from within and if you’re so busy beating yourself up, how can you find peace?

Instead of saying “I didn’t accomplish what I wanted”, why not say “I’m focusing on what I did accomplish and moving on from there”. How about taking stock of your effort instead of your accomplishments? 

Isn’t it far more important to know that you showed up and did your best as opposed to counting “failures”? And some days, your “okayest” may be the best you can do. So be it.  Kind and Gentle, New Years Resolution, self love

Recently, I spent part of my evening with a trusted friend. I was telling her about all the clutter that I’m donating to a very worthy cause and (here’s where it gets painful) I have a stack of sweet little hopeful books and motivational journals that I wrote several years ago. Just sitting there taking up valuable space. What do you do with that stuff? You know what she said?

“You tried. You put yourself out there and opened your heart. Not everyone is that brave.”

Annie’s Hope Center is opening in early Spring 2019 and helps women who endured domestic violence to get back on their feet. I do believe we can all use a motivational and hopeful journal to begin our new journey. So, I’m donating all those books and journals to Annie’s Hope Center in the hopes that it will help someone who is struggling.

Ah, yes. The silver lining in the black cloud. self love

So, this year, let’s set some goals, dream some BIG dreams and be kind and gentle. Let’s make sure one of the goals we all set is to be kind and gentle, especially to ourselves. Are you with me?

Many blessings to each of you. I am so grateful for your continued support.

Happy New Year!

Melissa

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Spoken From The Heart

Spoken From The Heart, Compassion, Helping Others, Mister Rogers, kindness compassion and tolerance,

I wish I knew what to write about this week. My heart is hurting at all the hatred that has been spewed in the United States. So, this week, my words are spoken from the heart not about essential oils, but about kindness compassion and tolerance.

Anne Frank was such an old soul who knew so deeply what the world has yet to figure out. Here are some of her wise words – spoken from the heart:

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” 

It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.
I’ve found that there is always some beauty left — in nature, sunshine, freedom, in yourself; these can all help you.
No one has ever become poor by giving.
I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.
And then, there’s Mister Rogers. He is sorely missed as Fred Rogers had a unique and kind way of looking at the world and helping us – especially children – process the most painful of times.
There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind. 
In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers.
When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’
Today, I’m simply reaching out to you with kindness, light and love in a world gone mad. We are the ones left behind to keep life going and to be kind to one another. We are the ones who can show kindness, compassion and tolerance to those who don’t look like us. 
There is beauty left in the world and each of us has a light to shine. Please, take time to shine your light today wherever you are. 
Sending you love and light,
Melissa
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Coping With The Inevitable Bad Day

the inevitable bad day, tough day, bad day, you had a bad day, let go, let it go, compassion, angry

Yes, Margaret, we all experience the inevitable bad day. You’ve been there. A fender bender, a dressing-down by the boss, a relationship that went to hell in a handbasket – any number of things can make life veer wildly off the rails. And then, you feel angry because it seems like the bad day will never end.

Today may very well be an awesome day for you! I hope that’s the case. But if you’re searching for comfort after a bad day and landed here, please know that you have my deepest and heartfelt empathy. I so-o-o-o wish I could wave my magic fairy wand to fix what’s gone wrong or at least make the backlash and after-effects go away.

Just know that I hear you. I see you. Please be gentle on yourself.  Compassion for yourself is what you desperately need right now. Take a moment to count the times when you’ve come through in a sticky situation, when you’ve made the right decision or when you gave from your heart.

Any one who knows me well knows that I can go down the rabbit hole from zero to sixty in no time flat. (I wrote about that in a blog post and the compassion I received from you was nothing short of amazing – thank you.) Oftentimes, I can pick out the stupid stuff I did or said, but somehow the other ninety percent of stuff I’m responsible for that was really good completely disappears from my thought pattern.

And that simply makes a bad day worse.

Do you find yourself doing that same thing – going down the rabbit hole so fast that your head spins?

Over the last few years, I’ve had more than my share of tough times and when they hit, usually with a vengeance, I isolate myself, pour a tasty glass of wine and clean my apartment to process everything. Mindless activity is the best thing I can do for self-care during times of high stress – or pouting.

One time, I believe it was 2013, it was one of those days. Seriously. One. Of. Those. Days. As I look back, I can see now that life was about to come crashing down in huge waves and there was nothing I could do to change it or stop it. It was just a difficult day (and time) and I needed some insight to bring the light back to my heart.

During that bad day, I remember feeling angry and frustrated so I typed in “when your dreams don’t come true“. I was amazed at what came up on my screen!

The post that spoke to me was written by Tamara Laporte. She is based out of England and teaches mixed media art along with wellness. I’m not necessarily good at traditional art, but this post spoke to my heart. She writes:

Often, no matter what we do or don’t do: our dreams don’t come true. And you know what? Instead of feeling shitty and miserable about that; I want to be ok with that. No. I want to be ok before that. I want to be at a place in my life, even if I’m in a mess, with an overweight body, sleep-deprived, a few grey hairs, without a dream house, without quadrupling my business income, without a book or licensing deal, without a diamond-pooping-unicorn, a mermaid-shaped swimming pool, a jet, butler and baby leopard and still be blissfully, irrevocably, stunningly happy, just as is. With gratitude, with awe and with joy. Because life is just that: awesome, joyful, amazing without all the external stuff. I mean like, have you seen butterflies lately?!

Let’s get real here – at that time, there was nothing stunningly happy. Period. And it took me quite a while to find my happy.

I am still a subscriber to her newsletter to this day because I love her amazing talent and huge heart. Even though I’m not an artist, her writing and beautiful talent speak to my heart.  Actually, aromatherapy is my art and creative outlet – I’m proud to say this is my calling and gift. As a trained aromatherapist, I can help you with so much including emotional healing.

How To Turn a Bad Mood Into a Better Mood

One of the things I like to do on my Facebook page (https://facebook.com/scentedbalance/) is to bring some joy into your life. Not everyone has perfectly sunny days and I want you to know that I’m sensitive to that. You know, most days are good (ah, yes life is good) but some days are perfectly shitty and I’m not going to pretend otherwise.

And I’m also not going to pretend for a skinny minute that I have all the answers of how to turn a bad mood into a better mood. We all have our times, okay?

When I feel annoyed and pouty, sometimes, I just need to be by myself. Other times, I really need to find something that speaks to my bad mood.

Sometimes, I post fun stuff on my facebook newsfeed just because it can brighten your mood, help you through a difficult time, or help you to let go of something that ‘s bugging you – a happy distraction if you will.

Then it hit me: Life Is Good – you know all those tee shirts and ball caps that you see everywhere? So I went to their website and found something awesome! They donate 10% of their profits to helping children in need – what a way to brighten your bad mood. 

A Couple of Ways To Let Go

How do you let go of a bad day? Obviously, I use aromatherapy – I work with 82 different essential oils, so you KNOW I create awesome blends to brighten your mood! Listen, if you don’t like the smell of one oil, I have 81 others that we can use.

What I’m trying now (ok, not right now) is meditation. For me, trying to meditate is like putting six cats in a cardboard box. You might contain the chatter, but the squirming and screaming will eventually get on your last nerve. Sigh…

If you would like to try meditation, Oprah and Deepak Chopra have a number of nice meditations to help you get started. They are guided to a certain extent – both of them have very soothing voices – and part of the meditation has soft music with no talking. Of course, I have a wonderful meditation blend that I offer at fairs and festivals for $14.95. Or you can make it on your own:

Calming Meditation Blend

  • 24 drops Grapefruit
  • 18 drops Lavender
  • 12 drops Frankincense
  • 12 drops Myrrh
  • 6 drops   Sandalwood
  • 6 drops   Cypress
  • 6 drops   Opopanax
  • 6 drops   Siberian Fir
  • 6 drops   Spruce
  • 6 drops   Melissa
  • 5 mL Blue (or Amber) Glass Bottle with dropper

Combine all essential oils into the bottle, gently shake before each use. Put 5 – 6 drops in a cold mist diffuser in the room where you meditate (or really, any room where you are). You can also put the same amount of drops with a teaspoon of coconut oil and apply to your chest – either application will help calm what I call the “monkey mind”.

You know the monkey mind – that’s when you lay down for the night and you can’t let go because your brain goes haywire. Yep. That’s me. Now you know why I create these blends!

Aromatherapy (and holistic life coaching) are amazing to address areas such as anger, depression, frustration and the ever-present monkey mind.

You know what else is important? Stay strong and know that you have the strength to get through the next few moments, and the next few moments – and the next. Hold on as tightly as you can to whatever faith you believe in – I’m saying this as much for me as for you. Please don’t give up!

Fill out this simple contact form and let’s talk today – don’t wait – do it right now.

Blessings,

Melissa